twitter

so…i have been contemplating twitter for some time now.  do i jump on the bandwagon?  or stay off?  i decided to jump on and i hope i don’t regret it.  if you’re interested in following, you can head here.

you’ll notice a bird there just as you may have noticed a bird here.  a few months ago josh and a co-worker of his pointed out that similarity and wondered if i’d want to change the look of my blog.  i searched and searched for other options, but kept coming back to the bird.  something about it spoke to me and now i have this strange connection to it.  it’s my little bird.

recently while spending some time with the Christ-centered, wisdom filled lady i have mentioned, she told me i am too hard on myself.  i am too critical of myself.  i don’t take compliments very well.  and i don’t let the positive things that happen in my life be positive things.  i guess i tend to make them ho-hum instead of allowing them to be great.

she told me she likes to imagine a little bird sitting on her shoulder.  the little bird sings her praises, gives her compliments, points out the good.  and all of this is sent directly from the Lord.  since He isn’t down here walking around with her, audibly cheering her on, He sends His cheers through people who are here, through situations she finds herself in, and through the little bird on her shoulder.  should she shoo the bird away?  or should she let it sing?  then she said to me,

you need to learn to let your little bird sing.”

hence the change in my tagline some time ago, from life, faith, & adoption to learning to let my little bird sing.  i am trying to let my bird sing and praying it doesn’t fly away due to the years of neglect it’s seen while living on my shoulder.  and i am trying to remember that the Lord does still speak.  and i am trying to remember that i need to listen.

“and He said, “go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord.
and, behold, the Lord passed by,
and a great and strong wind rent the mountains,
and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord;
but the Lord was not in the wind:
and after the wind an earthquake;
but the Lord was not in the earthquake:
and after the earthquake a fire;
but the Lord was not in the fire:
and after the fire
a still small voice.”
1 kings 19:11-12
kjv

…or a little bird singing on your shoulder.

advice?

a sweet friend, who is  also walking the painful road of infertility and heading toward adoption, recently shared some of why and how her heart is breaking at this time.  how do we handle the time we missed in the lives of our children before they came to us?  she wondered if i had any advice for her.  i am sharing my response on here because i think it’s important for those of us on this journey to know that there are others of us who do understand.  each of us has our own unique journey to take, but we do share some similar experiences and heartache.

“advice?  oh, i wish i could just take this away from you because i know how painful it can be. it has been all encompassing for me.  i feel a loss for the child i never had and i feel a loss for what i missed out on with the children that i do have.

i, just about an hour ago was sharing with a dear friend that i have spent time over the past 6 years grieving a baby that will never be.  it seems so absurd in some ways, to say goodbye to something i never had.

and, there are many days, and sometimes multiple times a day, that my heart breaks for what i missed with my kids.  sometimes i look at their sweet faces and get so sad because i didn’t know them as babies.  in a lot of ways i can’t even imagine amelia and wilbur as babies because there are no pictures of them before amelia was 3 1/2 and wilbur was 1 1/2.  with orville we have pictures from when he was 2 months so i know what he looked like, but i never held him or bathed him or smelled him.

i know that while i missed so much, i get to be a part of more than anyone else.  who my children become will be because of how josh and i work with the Lord to raise them.  and from the moment they came home, until the moment they return to the Lord(or the moment i do)i am the one they will call mom, the one they’ll cling to when they need something, the one they’ll rejoice with when something wonderful happens, etc. sometimes thinking about all of this helps me, and sometimes it doesn’t.  but, for all i did miss, there is so much i get to see.

this adoption/infertility thing really is crazy.  it is.  it just flat out is.  there are moments it makes total sense and then there are moments where i can’t figure out anything at all.  and somehow, in the midst of all of the craziness, is our God.  the God of the universe.  the God who made me, made josh, made amelia, made wilbur, made orville, made you, made your  husband, made your little one.  He is there.  and He knows exactly what He’s doing.

and while most of me gets that, there’s a big part of me that doesn’t.   and then i remind myself that it really has nothing to do with me.  it’s all about Him.  and in His infinite wisdom, He has a plan that is good for me and josh and amelia and wilbur and orville and you and your husband and your little one.

and most importantly, i know He loves me and i know He loves YOU.  and i know when my heart is breaking and when your heart is breaking, His breaks too.  and He watches us and listens to us and sends people to hold us because that’s what He’d want to do.

if He were physically here i have no doubt that He’d scoop you up into His arms and say, “child, I love you.  I am so sorry this is so hard for you.  I know your heart is breaking.  I know sometimes you struggle to take one more step.  but, trust Me.  lean on Me.   I have a plan for you.  I know it doesn’t all make sense now, but someday it will.  I promise.”  and He’d wipe away your tears.

remember when you shared these jeremy camp lyrics with me?  “there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears.  there will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face.”

what a journey!

there's an 8 year old in my house

amelia turned 8 on the 10th.  i can’t believe she’s 8 years old.  people always say kids grow up so fast and i am starting to understand that.  it’s a very happy/sad kind of thing.

we had a nice day as a family and we had a wonderful evening celebrating with our extended family.

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she started the day coloring and even made herself a birthday card.

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this little munchkin was just relaxing on the couch when i looked up and realized he won’t always fit on the couch.  my heart was sad for a few seconds.  i will miss the little him when he’s that big!

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i hope he doesn’t outgrow his smile!  oh, those cheeks!

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josh was outside cleaning the outside of the dinig room window.  shelby couldn’t resist saying hello and getting her head rubbed.

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the first card of the day came all the way from columbus.  thank you feathers family!

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next amelia opened a scrapbook from josh and i.  she made some pages over the summer and they need a home.  her next project will be making some pages about her 8th birthday with the new stickers that were hiding inside her scrapbook.

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next, a new baby doll!  since this child came home, this is one thing she has consistently asked for.  she brought a baby doll to our house with her, but she has always wanted another one.  we were at sam’s club a few weeks ago when she spotted this one.  she was so drawn to it so we decided it was time.  she was so excited to open it.  then she had a mini-photoshoot with it.

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someday, Lord willing, she will be such a good mommy.  especially if she learns from my mistakes.  oh how i pray she does!

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while waiting for everyone to arrive, our little guy couldn’t figure out how to do something on the leapster.  instead of asking for help, he burst into tears.  big sis was by his side in seconds to help.  she was so gentle and sweet.  guess she’s learning already!

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birthday dinner with cousin will.

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princess figurines from uncle nate.  so fun!

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wilbur running to grab a present for amelia.  he was a bit over excited while everyone was over so josh put him to work being the “birthday santa”.

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a new Christmas dress from grammy.  oh, she looks so beautiful in it!

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just cute!

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i kept noticing orville picking up the wrapping paper and tissue paper off of the floor, but i didn’t think about what he was doing with it.  when i went into the kitchen to get the birthday cake ready, i found this.  he was throwing it all away.  so precious!  he said, “the bag kept falling over and i had to keep standing it up.  it’s really full!”

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a princess cake for the princess.

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a princess pose for the camera.

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5th birthday~2006

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6th birthday~2007

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7th birthday~2008

we’re even.  she had 4 birthdays without us, now she’s had 4 birthdays with us.  we’re praying she celebrates at least 90 more!

memphis kiddie park

last Sunday we took advantage of the overcast, chilly weather and headed to memphis kiddie park.  it’s a wonderful little amusement park made just for the kiddos.  we’ve been here before, our first time in august of 2006.  the kids had only been home for about 3 months.  i looked through our pictures of that trip.  i can’t believe how little the kids were.  they really have grown so fast.  here’s some pictures from last weekend and three years ago.

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first ride, the roller coaster!  it’s the oldest standing steel coaster in north america(just in case you can’t read that on its’ sign below).

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josh was a trooper and rode with the kids so no one would have to ride alone.  i can’t let that happen, at least not on the first ride of the day!

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after the roller coaster it was time for “comets”.

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then they were off to the boats.

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we took a ride on the train.  it circles the park.  can’t believe i made it into a picture!  well, i had to ask to make it in.

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we saw snow white on our ride.  never knew she lived in ohio.

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next we were off to the merry~go~round.

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amelia found a horse named arielle.  only a princess horse will do for the princess.

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then the kids took an airplane ride.

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and enjoyed the ferris wheel.

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next they took a leisurely drive.

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then it was off to the horses.

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with no one really in the mood for amusement park hot dogs for lunch, we went to taco bell with plans to return to memphis kiddie park after.

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the kids wanted to ride the roller coaster again.  this time they went by themselves.

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then they rode the spinning cars which didn’t really spin very well.

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with only enough tickets for one last ride each, they all three chose the roller coaster again.

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i am glad we made the trip this year.

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it looks like amelia will be too big for most of the rides by the time next summer comes, but she’ll still get to ride the roller coaster!

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orville's first day of school and my first parent helper day

orville started his last year of preschool a couple of weeks ago.  i can’t believe he’ll be in kindergarten next year!  as you can see from the following pictures, he wasn’t really wanting to get his picture taken.

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once we arrived at school, he was much happier.  here he is leading the way.

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in his new classroom, he really didn’t want me to take any pictures.  i think he was slightly annoyed that i was even there and hanging around for a few minutes.

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after school i wanted him to pose for a picture with his clifford scholastic news.  he did not want to.  in the midst of our little argument(me begging for him to let me take his picture because it was his first day of his last year of preschool) the scholastic news got ripped. and he was pretty upset.

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then, he passed out. i couldn’t believe it.  the kids were playing and being pretty loud too.  then all of a sudden, this little guy was in a deep sleep.  so sweet.

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last week i had my first parent helper day of the year.  orville was so excited for us to bring brownies and applejuice.  quite the combo, i know, but for some reason, it’s a favorite amongst our three little ones.

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1 parent helper day down, 5 more to go!