• it’s kirsten, pronounced with an “ear”sten.

    my name is kirsten.  k.i.r.s.t.e.n. you pronounce my name like this: kEARsten not kristen. not kristin. not kirsten pronounced kUrsten. not christine. not kristine. not even close! it’s kirsten.  pronounced kEARsten. it’s not that difficult.  especially if you’ve known me for a while and you’ve heard me say my own name.  or you’ve heard other people say my name.  if we’re in a group of people, and the majority say my name kirsten (pronounced kEARsten), i’d join that majority. if i’ve just met you, and introduce myself to you as kirsten (pronounced kEARsten), please, don’t call me kristin.  please.  it’s insulting.  if my name was kristin, do you think i’d…

  • i’m sorry, but i don’t really know how to talk about this

    it’s not that i don’t want to.  it’s not that i can’t.  it’s just that i don’t know how. it’s awkward.  to say the least. i’m infertile.  infertile. i’ve never been pregnant.  therefore, i’ve never been in labor.  i’ve never given birth. when someone talks to me about pregnancy or childbirth my mind is flooded with thoughts. “do they know i’m infertile?” “do they remember i’m infertile?” “are they really talking to me?” “what do they expect me to say?” “can they tell i’m uncomfortable?” “will they walk away and wonder what was wrong?” “will they see through me?  will they know that i’m pretending to be interested, but really…

  • and then you turned 10

    these past five years have been a whirlwind. we met you when you were almost exactly four and a half. your first birthday with us, you turned five. you were so excited to turn five. some days, it was all you talked about. and when the day finally came, you were ready. you wanted to dress up, but it was a cold day. a long sleeved shirt under your fancy dress did the trick.                 you were lavished with attention and gifts. this was perhaps the first time one of your birthdays had been celebrated in this way. so much commotion. so much…

  • a night like the way i always thought nights should be

    last night we celebrated josh’s 34th birthday. he’s finally joined me in the middle 30’s. we celebrated with his family at his parents’ house. and it felt like a family celebration should feel. it was fun. it was lighthearted. the kids sat at one end of the table and i at the other, because they don’t need my help with their food anymore. with this i felt a sense of freedom. i felt like an adult. we laughed. i heard stories of things my husband and his brothers did when they were younger. some of these stories i’ve heard many times before and they still make me laugh and smile.…

  • i’m a person too

    just had to give my kids the “i’m a person too” talk.  you know, the “i’m not just a mommy, cook, housekeeper, laundry washer, homework supervisor, etc.” talk?  we’ve fallen into this rut where everyday after school, if i’m not saying ‘go outside to play’, or ‘come do your homework’, they do nothing.  they sit.  and they stare.  at me.  as if i’ve nothing else to do but sit and be watched while doing things i need to do. sometimes i need to switch the laundry, or cook the food, or vacuum the house, or put away groceries, or organize papers, or check my email, or the news, or the…