a big house

this is selfish.  this is materialistic.  this is worldly.  i want to admit all of that right from the start.  so now that i have, here it is…

i want a big house.

i want one with a huge foyer, with a huge winding staircase, that goes up to the third floor.  and when you go all the way up to the third floor, you can look down, over the railing, and see into the foyer.

i want a double staircase, a set of stairs in the foyer and one that leads from the kitchen to the upstairs.

i want a big kitchen.  a huge one actually.  one where we all five of us can hang out and no one is in the way.

i want a big pantry.  no, make that a huge pantry.  one big enough where pretty much everything can be stored.

i want a laundry room.  i want it off of my kitchen.  i want it to have tons of counter space so i can fold all of the laundry in there~not on my bed or my couch or my dining room table.  let’s put a little tv in there too, so i can fold laundry while i watch hgtv.  oh, and add a storage space with a laundry basket for each member of the family so their clean laundry can go in the baskets and they can easily retrieve them.  and we need a space for the laundry shoot to empty into because i want a laundry shoot in the upstairs hallway.

i want a bedroom for each of my children, plus a guestroom or two.

i want a master bedroom with a master bathroom.  and i want that bathroom to have a tub and a shower.  a huge shower.

i want a living room and a dining room and a family room and a breakfast room.

i want an office for josh.

i want a craft room for me.

i want a finished basement, with a media area, and another bedroom and full bath.

and on the outside?  a three car garage please.  oh, make that four.  and i want that garage on the back of the house somewhere so when i pull up my driveway i can drive around back to pull into my garage.

and the exterior?  chunky columns, shingles, and some stone and porches.  a porch across the front and a porch on the side with a side entry door and a rocking chair.

it’s big.  and it’s beautiful. and it’s mine.  and i love it.  and everyone else loves it.

and it’s in my mind.  and sometimes i wonder why i can’t have it.  and sometimes i wonder if i ever will have it.  and most times when it comes up, the Lord reminds me to focus on Him.  and that what He provides for me, is perfect, for me.

my devotions this morning talk about deep yearnings.  and it says God carefully crafted my longings and feelings of incompleteness so i would focus on Him.  He carefully crafted my longings.  it says that i shouldn’t try to bury or deny my feelings.  i shouldn’t try to pacify them with possessions.   my deepest longings will be fulfilled as i spend time in His presence.

and then it hit me.

i will have a big house one day.

“in My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.  and if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.”   john 14:2~4

there is joy in our home

“i felt it when i first walked in your home, joy,” he said.  my uncle mike came to visit today.  he’s been in town for awhile and is heading out soon.  he stopped by this afternoon to hang out with our family.

i loved having a grown~up conversation with him.  my whole life, he’s been an adult.  and now i am his peer.

he’s amazing, this uncle of mine. he’s wise.  he’s deep.  he’s sincere.  he’s flawed, and he admits it.  he’s been redeemed, and he’s grateful.  he speaks the truth, completely bathed in love.  he seeks the Lord.  he follows the Lord.  he trusts the Lord with all his heart.

he’s on an adventure.  he’s doing a great deal of traveling.  he’s asking the Lord to lead him where He wants him to go.  i feel that his time here with us today was God ordained.  i feel so privileged that we were incorporated into his journey.

he spoke love into our lives, into our family, into our home.  he delighted in our children.  he delighted in the story of our family.  he told us we’ve done a good job, we’re doing a good job.  and he said there is joy in our home.

joy.  in our home.

as he walked out our front door, down our porch stairs, and down the sidewalk to his car, my heart ached a little.  i wished we had more time.

uncle mike reading a book about our family with the boys


i’m packing up my boys for a night with grammy and gramps.  the boys are so excited.  grammy is so excited.  i’m sure gramps is too, but i haven’t talked to him about it.

as i’m placing their clean clothes for tomorrow in their ‘traveling to grandma’s house’ bags, purchased by grammy of course, i’m overcome with emotion.  my eyes tear up.  my heart overflows with gratitude.  i’m struck with the thought that this is how it would be if i could plan it.  i’m struck by the fact that this is really how it is.

my children have a grammy and a gramps who love them so much.  who think about them when they’re not around, pray for them, rejoice with them in the good times, weep for them in the sad, hard times, plan things with them, teach them, model to them what family really is and how it works and what it looks like, and accept and love them unconditionally.

my children~my three adopted, don’t have one gene in their bodies from any one of us, and don’t look anything like us children.  they are known by their grammy and gramps and they are accepted and loved.

this is a gift beyond measure.  this is the love of Christ flowing from their grammy and gramps and injecting itself into the hearts and lives of my children.  and i am so incredibly grateful.