• they needed a family

    one line. one line in our story. one line in the book i wrote about our family. one line. four words. thirty minutes of crying. thirty minutes of sobbing. thirty minutes of weeping. by my tenderhearted eight year old boy. they needed a family. it makes him sad. he couldn’t quite explain why. and i’m not about to put words in his mouth. i held him. and he held on to me. he held on tight. i told him it makes me sad too. i told him i don’t understand it either. i told him it’s okay to be sad. i told him it’s okay to cry. i told him…

  • tangled in the hairbrush

    when i was a little girl, with long wavy hair, i was taught to remove the hair from my hairbrush each time i brushed my hair.  to this day i continue to clean out my hairbrush after i brush my hair.  each time.  i’ve loosened up a bit over the years though, sometimes leaving behind the pieces that are really tangled around the bristles. amelia’s brush broke the other day so i’ve been using my brush each morning as i do her hair.  i just finished brushing mine and as i was cleaning out the brush i noticed black curly hair tangled up with my brown(sometimes gray) straight hair.  what…

  • the same story, over and over and over again

    and again. and again.  and again. on our way to school orville asked, “did we go to church when we lived in our birth parents’ home?”  amelia and i both answered that we didn’t think so.  “did we go to church when we lived in our foster home?” orville questioned.  “yes, you did.” i replied, “absolutely!”  amelia added, “was orville 1 when we lived there?  because if he was, then yes, we went to church.  i remember.” i love that church was something they were familiar with.  that makes my heart happy. and as soon as i recognize that happiness, here it comes.  without warning.  and the happiness of my…

  • all i ever have to be

    when the weight of all my dreams is resting heavy on my head and the thoughtful words of help and hope have all been nicely said but i’m still hurting, wondering if i’ll ever be the one i think i am – i think i am then You gently re-remind me that You’ve made me from the first and the more i try to be the best the more i get the worst and i realize the good in me is only there because of who You are who You are… and all i ever have to be is what You’ve made me any more or less would be a…