oh, this life of luxury i lead

a husband.

a house.

a dog.

three kids.

a minivan.

a car.

six bikes in the garage.

one scooter.

too many baseballs, soccer balls, and basketballs to count.

a house full of furniture.  so much furniture that some of it can’t even be used right now.

beds for each of us, with comfy covers.

toys in every room.  toys in storage in the basement.

closets full of clothes.

a refrigerator full of food.

i’m grateful to the Lord for His provision.  and grateful to my husband for working so hard to provide.

and yet, there is discontent in my heart.

discontent from having too much.  and not giving enough away.

i tell my children they should eat all of the food on their plate, even if they don’t like it very much, because every 15 seconds a child somewhere dies of starvation.  and yet i throw out food that is spoiled because i didn’t cook it or freeze it in time.

God is breaking my heart over these things.  breaking my heart.  i’m praying my way out of the luxury, for the least of these, so that they can have more.  my excess is their necessity.

break my heart for what breaks Yours Lord.  everything i am for Your Kingdom’s cause.

how do you do such a good job?

we were riding in the car.  we were heading to boston market to pick up dinner for a family from our abf(adult Bible fellowship) who recently added a precious baby girl to their family.

amelia asked what her middle name used to be.  i answered.  “that’s so strange!” she said.

wilbur asked me to remind him of his former middle name too.  and his birthparents names.  and orville inquired about his middle name too.  they all three wondered why their birthparents chose those middle names.

“how do you do such a good job?” orville asked from the backseat.

“with what?”

“with remembering.”

“well, because i am your mom too.  and i love you.  and i learned these things about you a long time ago.  and i want to know them.  i want to remember them.  i want to share them with you so you can remember them too.”

if they only knew my overwhelming need to know.  my overwhelming need to remember.  my overwhelming love for them.