• only Jesus

    i. am. exhausted. my whole body aches.  i sometimes literally feel like i may not be able to take another step, another breath. it’s been a week and a half since the three littles joined us and we are just so tired.  every day i think of things to write about, but once the kids are in bed, i’m just too tired to sit down and get out any coherent thoughts. we’ve been up too late and up too early.  we’ve been up in the middle of the night because someone couldn’t stop coughing so he couldn’t sleep and then once he was up, didn’t want to go back to…

  • our first night

    it’s hard to come up with titles for these things.  that’s my first thought. i’m sitting in my dining room eating reese’s peanut butter chips.  josh is getting some work done since he left early so we could pick up the kids together. my house currently looks like this. kind of hard to see i guess, but my counters are covered and my sink and dishwasher are full. this is only a partial view of the living room.  the couch and my desk are a mess too. and this is a view from the hallway into our room. one large cardboard box on the other side of the gate.  one…

  • the reality

    it’s almost time to leave to pick up the kids. the reality is, i don’t want to do this. i feel slightly ill, like i might throw up. i want to run.  i want to run far away.  aruba sounded good until a friend told me she thinks of canada when she thinks about running.  you can drive there.  duh!  why am i thinking of a place i’d have fly to? i want to stay comfortable. i want to stay safe. i want life to stay easy. i don’t want to have children in my home for the next 18+ years.  i thought i’d have them all out of the…

  • our last night

    it’s come to an end.  we’ve squeezed in as much time as we could last night and today.  our sweet girl is away with school all week so she’s missed out on some of the family fun.  i’m quite sure she’s having a good amount of fun on her own though. last night we looked at a 12 passenger van.  turns out we will actually need one.  we’ve been wondering what would be best for our family-a chevy, a ford, or a nissan.  the chevy and ford are very similar and i did quite a bit of driving a big ford van in my jr. high leader days at church,…

  • party of five

    8 years ago today we met our three amazing children.  8 years ago.  i am very honestly struggling to find the words to describe what this means, to get to 8 years.  it’s been so difficult and so amazing.  i wrote all about that day here. i love our party of five.  we are good.  things are smooth and easy, most of the time.  we have fun.  we laugh a lot.  we get along well.  we enjoy one another.  we love each other deeply.  we make sense.  we fit. tomorrow, these three will turn into 6. though this picture is staged, we are all really in a bit of shock. …