a slight emotional breakdown

i am very excited about becoming a mom. it’s been a lifetime desire. and it’s taken the past two and a half years to get to this point. but last night as we climbed into bed, i felt sad. it really hit me for the first time that josh and i only have two nights left as just us. i cried, a lot. and josh held me and promised that while things will change, we’ll still be us, just with kids.

we’ll be married for five years this august and we’ve had a great time so far. i know we’ll still be married after the kids come home, but things will change a little. now the only time we’ll have just us will be when we go on a trip together or the kids sleep over at their grandparents house. and even then it won’t be just us, it will be us on a trip with the kids at home, or us at home alone with the kids somewhere else.

none of this is bad. it’s what we want. it’s what we’ve always wanted. this is a very exciting time in our lives. but it’s also a little sad. the story of us has been so good so far. now we are saying good-bye to our beginning chapters of marriage and our parenting chapters are beginnning. no matter how sad i may feel about josh and i no longer being just us, we enter this new phase of life with much joy and anticipation.

4 Comments

  • Stephanie

    I was feeling the same kind of things lately and you put it all so nicely into words. I’ve been struggling with that feeling because it took us so long to get here, and now here I am having negative thoughts that I will no longer be “free”. I’ve been thinking about silly things like how we like to go to fancy home stores and giftshops and browse together, and now one of us will have to wait outside with the baby! It seems all very selfish, and I guess it is, but I guess anytime any major change happens, you have to mourn the past a little. Like you said, it’s not that you don’t welcome the future, just reluctant to let go sometimes. I am sure when the baby comes I will find joy in spending time with the family in Chuckie Cheese!

    You are in my prayers, I ask God to give you the strength to handle this sudden whirlwind you’re in (and a little for me while he’s at it).

  • Margaret

    Things are undeniably going to change, and there’s nothing wrong with being sad about that. You can happy about the kids and a little wistful about your time alone together at the same time — one feeling isn’t exclusive of the other.

  • Elle

    I am right there with you. D and I will celebrate out 10 year wedding anniversary this August. It has been 10 years with just the two of us.

    I told D there would be no more of, “let’s go to the beach today.” He said, “Sure there will. We’ll just have to pack one more person into the car.”

    Make sure you take time for yourselves. They love and friendship you have built is what got you to the point of being parents. It is what will get you through the years ahead and what will remain once the children are grown.

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