• i’ve been here before

    monday august 8th josh found out he won’t have a job after the end of this year.  the bank where he works has been acquired by another bank and the new bank isn’t keeping his position. i’ve been here before. i’ve been here four times. in 2002, right after we celebrated our first wedding anniversary and bought our first home, josh lost his job. in 2006, right before our oldest three kiddos came to us, josh lost his job. in 2010-house, three kids, vehicles, dog-pretty comfy life, josh lost his job. i’ve been here before and here i go again. in 2016-house, vehicles, cancer recovery, nine kids-josh is losing his…

  • 40 things i’ve learned on my journey to 40

      11:34pm, june 22, 2016. i’m listening to sara groves’ floodplain. i’m texting my friend shelly. “are you trying to cry?” she asks. “i don’t know what i’m trying to do,” i respond. “take it all in i guess-the happy and the sad.”  i’m turning 40 in a matter of moments. i was born june 23, 1976. and now here it is.  yesterday i turned 40.  the women in the above photo, my mom and my sister, are not a part of my life. they haven’t been for a few years now. and it’s sad. 40 doesn’t look or feel like i thought it would. and i have learned a…

  • brave

    a few years ago, i chose a word for the year. i can’t remember what year it was. i can’t remember what word i chose. i didn’t choose a word for this year. but at the close of 2015, i feel a word has been chosen for me. my word for 2015 is brave. i got a bracelet. i thought about a tatoo. a bracelet is sufficient for now. at the start of 2015, i didn’t think i’d survive if we had to let our littles go.  but i got to the point where i knew i could trust God and surrender them if He called me to do that.…

  • it is well

      surgery is today.  friday.  the 13th.  the surgeon said it doesn’t bother him to operate on friday the 13th and we don’t want to wait until after thanksgiving, so here we go. i am having a total thyroidectomy, central lymph node dissection, and right modified lateral neck lymph node dissection. basically, they are removing my whole thyroid and all of the lymph nodes in the central part of my neck as well as all of the lymph nodes on the right side of my neck. 4 1/2 hours of surgery time.  estimated. tonight we had dinner with our two boys.  maddie was at a basketball game and the littles…

  • starbucks has a red cup and suddenly the church cares about orphans in america

    this keeps showing up in my facebook newsfeed. apparently some Christians have an issue with the new starbucks cup because it’s red and doesn’t have traditional Christmas designs. and apparently some other Christians have an issue with those Christians caring more about a starbucks cup than things that really matter. and apparently to show those Christians that the red cup doesn’t really matter, some Christians are grabbing this image and posting it all over the place to highlight something that matters. something that really, really matters. but, why didn’t it matter before starbucks rolled out their red cups? why can starbucks cause the church to talk about orphans today, but…