9 years or so ago, when josh and i came face to face with our infertility, we asked God what He wanted us to do, where He wanted us to be. believing we were receiving the call to adoption, we wanted to share with our family where we had been and where it seemed we were headed.
josh’s parents’ home was a very special place to us, to his family, so we didn’t want to tell them there. we didn’t want to share the difficult news, that we wouldn’t be able to give them a biological grandchild, in their living room where we had lived in so much happiness together. we didn’t want that memory to reside there. so, we went to visit them while they were camping.
they camped frequently those days and after talking several times about joining them sometime, we decided we’d do it. and that’s where we’d share. the news could stay there, and also in our hearts, but it would reside in a place where we’d likely never be again.
we made our plans. we took the drive. they showed us around. we talked about work, the weather, some other things. we talked about the home they were building. they had kitchen blue prints on hand, i believe, and showed us the details. we looked through pictures too, of ideas for cabinets, colors, appliances, etc. and then josh shared with them the real reason why we came.
he shared that we had been “trying” to conceive. he shared that it wasn’t happening. he shared about the doctors visits. he shared about my surgery. he shared about the dreams. he shared that they were dying. he shared that we had asked God of His desire for our lives. he shared of a dream resurrecting in a new way. he shared of God’s call to adopt. he shared of our plan to follow God’s call on our lives. he shared through tears, through the raw emotion of a broken, stretched, and changing heart.
josh’s parents listened intently. they shed tears. they nodded in agreement. and then his mother spoke. through her tears and with a shaky voice she said, “this tells me God has you right in the palm of His hand, and as your mother, there’s no place i’d rather have you be.”
9 years later, we’re still there, camping out in our Heavenly Father’s hand. right in it. all up in His palm. burrowing in, getting closer, making a nest. we are not coming out.
9 years ago we had no idea where saying ‘yes’ to His plans would take us. we didn’t know what living in the palm of His hand would do to our lives, to our hearts. we didn’t know that though our lives would look radically different than what we had imagined, they’d look better than we could have ever dared to dream.
we didn’t know we’d adopt three amazing kids. we didn’t know He’d call us to adopt more. we didn’t know that we’d get so comfortable in His hand that the big scary craziness of abuse and neglect and foster care and adoption wouldn’t seem so big scary crazy. we’d didn’t know we’d be so in love with camping out in His hand that we’d be asking Him “what’s next?”, “how many more can we help?”, “can we keep going?”.
as we rest in His palm today, we believe we are getting closer and closer to the “what’s next”. He knows what’s coming. He knows who will join our family and when. we have one home study visit left and then we’re told it will take about 30 days to process our file before we are officially licensed. we could, and we’re hoping we do, have more kiddos before the end of the year. and we can’t wait to have them join us in His hand!
my little ones, helping get the campfire ready, summer 2006.