Lilies Considered

we met them.

we had waited almost three years for the answer to how we were going to be parents.

and this day, six years ago, we met our answer.  three answers actually.

here are the details for that day.

“and where was i before the day

that i first saw

your lovely face

now i see it everyday

and i know

that i am, i am

the luckiest”

ben folds

we went to meet our children yesterday. well, they aren’t officially ours yet, but we are really hoping and praying that they become our children. we drove to their foster home. it’s about an hour away from our home. and, it’s in the middle of nowhere. i am not complaining about that. i can’t. some people travel half way around the world to meet their children!

the ride down is hard to describe. josh attempted a couple of times to pray out loud for us, but the emotion of it was overwhelming to me. i didn’t want to show up at the door with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. i had been praying in my head. and i knew so many of you were praying too. thank you for that. we could feel it. the whole day felt covered.

so the drive was filled with much anticipation, but no expectation. we didn’t know what to expect. we had seen a picture of the children. but, it was a black and white photocopy, and the kids are biracial so it was hard to tell what they looked like.

we also had no idea how they’d react to us. we went just as people who are coming over to play for awhile, not as maybe ‘mom’ and ‘dad’. we were just josh and kirsten, wanting to get to know them a little and have fun.

when we got there and pulled in the driveway, josh said he could see little faces looking out the window. we smiled at each other and asked one another if we were ready to do this. we were. without a doubt. we made our way to the door and we could hear little voices waiting behind it. the tears started to come. the door opened and there they were. three little faces. well, at first we could only see two because the middle one was hiding behind foster mom. but, there they were. and they were gorgeous. they are just gorgeous.

they were shy at first, not wanting to say hi or talk to us at all. foster mom was really great, encouraged them to get some toys out to show us. that opened a window for us to begin to interact with them. within five minutes of being there, we were playing and giggling. we started taking some pictures and boy did they love being in front of the camera.

we were playing with a barnyard set. they were being silly pretending the rooster was a cow and that the sheep said moo. then they were saying the baby, who is a boy, was a girl. i asked them what i am and the oldest one, the girl, said i was a boy. we laughed. i asked her again. again she said i was a boy. i giggled and told her i was a girl. she said, “no, you a mother.” it didn’t really hit me then, but josh mentioned it on the way home and it blew me away.

we talked about toys they like, what they do at Sunday school, what shows and songs they like. we saw their bedroom. we looked at a photo album their foster mom had put together. various pictures of holidays and church activities and birthday parties. it was neat to get a glimpse into the past year of their life.

foster mom shared with me what foods they like, what their napping schedule is. when they go to bed, when they wake up. she told me how they do at the doctors and in the car. how she bathes them and cares for their skin and hair.

the talking and giggling and playing soon turned into hugs and kisses and sitting on laps. at one point the middle child sat on my lap for at least 20 minutes straight. i didn’t want him to feel like he had to stay there so i kept giving him opportunities to get up. but, he stayed. most of the time it just felt normal, but sometimes it would hit me, “i am holding you because you are going to be my son.”

we continued to take pictures. it was so much fun to see their eyes light up each time we pulled out the camera. we have some of the cutest pictures of them being silly with josh. again, it all seemed so normal, and then it would hit me, “i am taking pictures of them with josh because he is going to their dad.” it was amazing.

we were there for two hours. we could have stayed for ten. it seemed so surreal that i had to keep telling myself to drink it all in. this is what we had been waiting for for two and a half years. they were strangers yesterday when we arrived at 3pm, but as i held them and kissed them, it felt like i had known them forever. in the past i couldn’t picture our home with three little children living in it and now i can’t picture it without them here. it just fits, perfectly.

the plan is to go back next weekend. and in the meantime, we have bedrooms to set up, furniture to paint and rearrange, lots of kid and baby things to purchase. but most of all, i think we’ll spend time being thankful. it is astounding to us that out of all the people in the world, God would choose us to parent these children. they are a huge gift and we have a huge responsibility ahead of us. we are so excited. and you know what, no longer scared. God is so good, we are filled with anticipation for all that is to come. so much anticipation that i really had a hard time sleeping last night. i couldn’t get their faces out of my head. we are so blessed.

we are the luckiest.