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10 years

on August 11, 2011

“we’d like you to meet our oldest son someday,” they said.

“ok,” i replied.

i barely knew them. and i had no idea who he was.

two years passed.

and then we met, this son of theirs and i.

he came to volunteer at a church jr. high event that i was leading. and he was silly and goofy and obnoxious and cute and also a little mysterious. and the kids loved him. and he made me smile. and he made me laugh. but, he was seeing someone.

i had just graduated from college. i was looking for a full~time job. i was contemplating moving to connecticut with my sister.

we saw each other a couple more times that summer. then i was going to make the big move to CT. then he broke up with his girlfriend. then he asked if i’d have dinner with him sometime.

that weekend, we had dinner. it was october 2nd, 1999. and i am pretty sure that at the beginning of dinner, when he told me that our waiter who had a patch on his eye really was a pirate, i started to fall in love.

we had one date, and that was it. we were together. sadly, we don’t remember our first kiss. and we don’t remember the first time we said ‘i love you’. but we do remember that we both knew he was the one for me, and i was the one for him. we were it for each other.

our time of dating was fun. josh always made me laugh. we really enjoyed spending time together and with his family. we got involved with a great group of people at church. and josh was always finding ways to make me smile. one time, while leaving the grocery store, he bought me a ring from a gumball machine. it was a cute idea. and very sweet. apparently i liked it so much he decided to do it again, a few times.

we talked of marriage. we talked of family. we shared the same faith. we shared the same goals.

in december of 2000, he proposed. it was just the two of us, at my apartment. we were asking each other questions from a packet of papers about marriage given to us by a pastor at church. the questions went something like this, “would marry someone who _______?” we were laughing and having fun, really enjoying one another. and josh asked if i’d marry someone who gave me a ring from a gumball machine. i said yes and when i looked up, he had a gumball machine ring container, only inside was a real diamond engagement ring.

we were married on august 11, 2001. the weather was much like it is today~cool, breezy, sunny. we had an amazing day! we also had no clue what we were getting into(i know no one does!).

we didn’t really know that the vows we took before God, our family, and our friends, would be tested.

we couldn’t have predicted that one year after we said ‘i do’, and one month after buying our home, josh would lose his job.

we didn’t know that waiting until we’d been married for two years to start a family would eventually lead to the realization that we were infertile.

we didn’t know that a surgery for me would not aide our attempts at conceiving.

we didn’t know that God would call us to adoption.

we didn’t know that God would call us to the adoption of three children, at one time.

we didn’t know that two months before the children came home, josh would again lose a job.

we didn’t know that the lives our children lived before they came home to us would be so difficult to work through.

we didn’t know that six months after our children came home our daughter would start having seizures, multiple times a day.

we didn’t know that after seven years of marriage, i’d battle through a bout of depression and spend a year in counseling.

we didn’t know that after eight years of marriage josh would once again lose a job, this time for over a year.

we didn’t know that we’d question whether or not we should have gotten married.

we didn’t know that we’d question whether or not our marriage would survive.

i didn’t know that this young man i was pledging my life to would be strong when i was weak, would have faith when i had none, would pick up the pieces when they’d all fallen apart, would father as his own three children that didn’t come from us, would stand by me when i wasn’t sure i could stand by myself.

we didn’t know that at 10 years, we’d being enjoying one another again. we didn’t know we’d be friends again. we didn’t know we’d feel in love again.

during our really hard times, i had no idea that on this day, i’d be willing to and wanting to do it all over again.

i am so grateful for this marriage, for these past 10 years. i am so grateful for the family we have. i am so grateful for the faith that we share.

thank you for an amazing 10 years josh. i love you.

“better than our promises
is the day we got to keep them
i wish those two could see us now,
they never would believe how
there are different kinds of happy”

Comments { 5 }

father's day

on June 21, 2009

i’ve been absent for a long time. again, there’s plenty to write about, plenty of pictures to share. but i’ve been in kind of a dark place for the past couple of months. i seem to have a dark cloud hanging over my head. as i put it in an email to a friend, ” i feel like i am in a pit and life is just passing over me and i am missing it. things i thought would be fun, aren’t. things i thought would bring me joy, don’t.”

i think i know why i have been feeling this way. actually, i don’t think i know, i do know. and i know i need to do something about it. and i know what to do. but i keep forgetting. and then it gets dark again. but right now i am remembering. all of that to say, this heart is full of words that need to come out. and they will come. but tonight i wanted to take some time to be thankful. for this man,

who in lieu of sleeping in, got up just like any other day, to celebrate his day, with his children. and with his sleepy eyes and bedhead hair, he graced our breakfast table with his presence for some dunkin donuts, coffee, and the children’s father’s day cards.

amelia made him the biggeset card i’ve ever seen. and it was cute. and silly. and made no sense. but it was so precious, because it was from her. from her heart, for her father.

wilbur wanted nothing to do with making a card. i guess that’s a boy thing? so he picked this one.

orville didn’t want to make a card either, at least not while we were at the store and wilbur was picking out already made cards. but when we got home, he changed his tune and joined the crafting with amelia. so for daddy, he had two cards.

then we went on a hike.

we got sweaty, muddy, hot, tired. the kids loved it. and i think josh had a good time, though it was more work with three little ones than either of us would have liked.

we had a cookout at my sister’s place where we also got to visit with my dad. then we went on to church where the kids made more father’s day cards.

we are so blessed to have this man in our lives. he is committed to our marriage and to our family. he has such a strong desire to be a good father. and he is. and i am thankful.

Comments { 1 }

one day at mcdonald's

on April 30, 2009

i love mcdonald’s. LOVE it! i know, many people think it’s gross, including my husband. but my kids and i, we could dine there every day. yes, dine. yes, every day.

you can’t beat a cheap place with a playland and yummy food. and you can’t beat a mcdonald’s cheeseburger plain with a large order of fries and a coke. maybe the large fries are keeping me from being in the shape i want to be in. should be a hint to myself, but sometimes i can’t deny my mcdonald’s cravings.

yesterday i had a meeting scheduled at church from 9:30am-11:30am. several people were expected, but only two of us showed up. we spent about 25 minutes talking and then ended our time. we were done early. we could go home. or…we could go to mcdonald’s! the boys were so excited. and so was i!

it’s always interesting to observe parents and children at a mcdonald’s playland. i like to see who has good parenting skills, and who doesn’t. who has good behavior, and who doesn’t. i like to see how my children interact with the other children. i like to see how other parents interact with me and one another. yesterday all the kids did great. and i had a few interesting encounters.

at first there was just one other parent and child combo in the playland.

stranger #1(to my boys, about her daughter): her name is brooke, if you want to play with her.

my boys: i am wilbur and i am 5. he is 4 and his name is orville.

stranger #1(to me): i have a 6 year old too. she is in kindergarten. if you want to go order your food, they can stay in here and i’ll watch them.

me: that’s very kind of you, but we’re not eating yet. i am going to let them play a little first.

stranger #1: oh. really? we always eat first and then play.

me: oh. okay. well, my boys just had a snack and it’s a little early for their lunch(it was 10:30am).

stranger #1: okay. well maybe you could watch my daughter while i go have a cigarette.

me: um, okay.

she never went to have one. but, i thought it was interesting that she asked. seriously. we just met. and you’d leave your child with me. for a cigarette? yikes.

another lady comes in. she has a little boy with her. while my boys are playing they tell me they can’t find the pink slide, which happens to be the tallest and most exciting slide. i leave our table so i can walk around the playland, telling them what tubes to go through to get to the pink slide.

stranger #2(the new lady): they’re so cute. are they yours?

me: thank you. yes, they are. (me inside: that cut straight to my heart. why are you asking? should i tell her they are adopted? they don’t look like me. is that why she asked? my heart hurts. they are mine. but they aren’t mine. did you need to ask that? i didn’t ask you if the little boy with you was yours. really, did you have to ask?)

stranger #1: how old are your boys again?

me: the oldest will be 6 in july, so i guess i can just say he’s 6. the youngest one turned 4 in february. then we have a daughter who is 7. she’s at school, in first grade.

stranger #1: oh, i have two girls. i always wanted a boy. but, we’re done. my husband said no more. he had the magic surgery with the golden scissors. i was disappointed i didn’t have a boy.

me: you could always adopt. (me inside: how can you complain about not having a boy? wishing you would have, i can understand. but being disappointed? you should be thankful you have children at all. and what about people who only have boys? don’t you think they’d be thankful for one of your girls?)

stranger #1: i wouldn’t adopt now. not while my kids are young. maybe someday.

me: i can understand that. (me inside: i honestly can. but i know you won’t adopt. and you likely shouldn’t anyway.)

i then overhear stranger #2 telling a friend of hers that the little boy with her is her great nephew. maybe that’s why she asked if my boys were mine. made me feel a little better. but not totally.

stranger #3, stranger #4, and stranger #5(all saying the same thing): your boys are adorable.

me(each time): thank you. they are. (me inside: oh, they are adorable. and i know it. and i hear it all the time. because they really are that adorable. but yes, thank you.)

stranger #6 to stranger #7(two men who were sitting right next to me, talking about the affairs their wives have had. i didn’t interact with them, but the stories i heard broke my heart.): my wife actually said that she could justify her affair because it started before Christmas. this showed they had been together for a while and so the affair should be okay. but i told her no, that only makes it worse. that just means you were lying to me longer.

stranger #7 to stranger #6: i can’t believe she actually said that to you.

i can’t believe it either i thought. should i say something to them? should i tell them i am sorry? should i tell them all women aren’t like this? i didn’t say anything. it wasn’t my place. and the setting wasn’t exactly ideal.

i didn’t say most of what i was thinking/feeling at mcdonald’s yesterday. most people wouldn’t understand. but maybe i should try it sometime.

Comments { 3 }

it's been a pretty good day

on January 3, 2009

amelia got a much needed haircut.

wilbur showed us that his priorities are out of whack.

we did a much needed run to sam’s club. can you ever really go there enough? we had outback takeout for dinner. can you ever really do that enough? and now, i am folding laundry.

listening to sara groves via the apple tv. i don’t think i can explain how awesome my husband is for putting all of her music on there.

my husband is patching the wall in the bathroom where he and my father-in-law added an extra switch for our newly installed exhaust fan.

and the kids are playing food and dogs in their rooms.

it’s almost snack time. then bed time. then free time for me!

Comments { 2 }

so it's been a long time…

on December 14, 2008

we were all sick. i kept you up on that pretty well for awhile. but then i got sick. strep. it wiped me out for a few days. i wanted to write, but just couldn’t. i didn’t feel well. i couldn’t justify the time because i needed to catch up with laundry. or dishes. or something. i am better now. and so are the kids. let me catch you up to date.

when i was sick, my wonderful MIL brought over some soup and apple crisp to help me feel better. and to help my family eat since i couldn’t cook. wilbur doesn’t like “mushy apples”. this means he won’t eat homemade applesauce, apple pie, apple crisp, baked apples, etc. sometimes we make him try some. you never know. maybe sometime he’ll start to like “mushy apples”. here’s his serving.

here’s him crying about his serving.

here he is taking a bite of his serving. oh, so painful. give me a break!

here’s amelia during the same meal.

and orville.

here’s amelia and orville playing Wii while wilbur finishes his “mushy apples”.

wilbur after the “mushy apples” are all in his tummy. he’s just fine.

snack for that night. lemonade licorice, pieces of a kit kat. prepared by josh.

the boys like to play in amelia’s room. the play kitchen is in there. and all the play food. i don’t usually allow them in there unless she’s home. and they ask her. and she gives them permission. this day, i let them. while she was at school. they practiced being dads. too cute.

we had a wonderful thanksgiving. hope you did too.

here’s gramps basting the turkey.

the bird in all its glory.

wilbur at his seat, waiting for the meal to begin. and, eyeing his candy choo choo train that grammy placed at his seat for him.

we took some family pictures. this is our “sad face” shot.

orville is working on some bigger kid things. like putting his coat on by himself. he’s not quite there yet.

the boys and i went bowling. santa was there. we didn’t get many shots with him. orville was terrified. the bowling was a blast though.

we had taco night. josh couldn’t resist playing with his food. he usually can’t.

josh and i were parent helpers at orville’s school last week.

josh helped the kids build a castle.

wilbur was taking a trip to mcdonald’s in the school’s camper.

josh coloring with some of the girls in orville’s class.

amelia had her 1st grade Christmas concert at school on wednesday. here she is before we left.

here she is performing. she’s third from the right, in the front row.

we found out amelia was having a hard time seeing some things at school. ”words on the chalkboard are a little blurry,” she said. so we took a trip to the eye doctor thursday morning.

and we got a prescription for glasses. that night she and i took a trip to the “glasses store”.

i tried some on too. so thankful i don’t need them!

and friday night, josh and i got to take a trip to PA for the love came down tour.

here is the stage.

leeland-singing sound of melodies.

sara groves and half of jars of clay-singing o come let us adore Him.

leigh nash-from sixpence none the richer-and i.

sara groves and i.

jars, and the drummer from leeland, did an amazing job on little drummer boy. jars is known for that song in some circles. they went over the top with the drumming this night. it was amazing. they were so into it. and you could tell they were doing it for the glory of the Lord. and it was almost overwhelming. the little drummer boy had nothing to offer. no gifts for the King. but he had his drum. and he played it. and he played his best. and i thought, “i have nothing to offer. nothing worthy of my King. i am a wife and a mother. i need to do that my best. for Him.” here are the lyrics to little drummer boy. i took out all the pa rum pum pum pums.

come they told me
a new born King to see
our finest gifts we bring
to lay before the King

so to honor Him
when we come

Little Baby
i am a poor boy too
i have no gift to bring
that’s fit to give the King

shall i play for You
on my drum?

mary nodded
the ox and lamb kept time
i played my drum for Him
i played my best for Him

then He smiled at me
me and my drum

we are busy getting ready for Christmas. we keep having conversations with the kids about what Christmas is really all about. and i keep reminding myself. sara groves new Christmas CD has been very helpful with this.

it came upon a midnight clear

it came upon the midnight clear,
that glorious song of old, 
from angels bending near the earth,
 to touch their harps of gold: 
“peace on the earth, goodwill to men
 from heavens all gracious King!” 
the world in solemn stillness lay
 to hear the angels, to hear them sing

o ye beneath life’s crushing load,
 whose forms are bending low,
 who toil along the climbing way 
with painful steps so slow; 
look now, for glad and golden hours
 come swiftly on the wing; 
oh rest beside the weary road
 and hear the angels, and hear them sing

still through broken skies they come, 
with peaceful wings unfurled; 
and still their heavenly music floats
 o’er all the weary world:
 above its sad and lowly plains 
they bend on hovering wing, 
and ever o’er Babel sounds
 the blessed angels, the blessed angels sing

peace, peace

and in your dark street shines
an Everlasting Light
and all your hopes and fears
are met in Him tonight

i hope your heart is preparing for His arrival too.

hopefully none of us get sick so i can keep up with the blogging.

Comments { 4 }

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10 years

father's day

one day at mcdonald's

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