• year 14

    14 years ago today we were married. 14 years and seven children later, we’re still here. still finding one another in the midst of the chaos and the noise. this has probably been our most difficult year. we’ve been pulled and stretched in ways we never expected. our faith has been challenged. our hearts have grown faint. our marriage has been tested. our integrity has been questioned. we’ve lost each other. we’ve found each other. we’ve laughed. we’ve cried. we’ve been great teammates. we’ve managed things on our own. we’ve yelled. we’ve whispered. we’ve been exhausted and overwhelmed. we’ve been amazed and full of joy. we still find each other…

  • He knows

    today is the day we find out the next part of the story. this afternoon i go to court. does the baby stay?  or does he go? does he leave today? or do we still have some time to love him and whisper the name of Jesus in his ear? he’s sleeping right now, totally unaware of all that is going on. in our minds, there are so many ways this thing could go. in reality, there is one way.  and it is God’s way. and His way is best.  no matter what. no matter what we think. no matter how we feel. no matter what we want, or what…

  • when we’re told the plan is for them to leave

    we had a meeting. we were told the plan is for them to leave. and to be separated. one to one parent, three to the other. it’s the news i never wanted to hear.  the news i’ve prayed i would never hear. yet, i heard it. and it hurt. exactly three months ago today i wrote about being in the middle of things and now we may be close to the end. for the baby, the end could come as early as tuesday. my heart is broken.  my heart is heavy. every single thing we do with him over these next few days, could be for the last time. playing…

  • the middle

    there’s a beginning-when they came. there’s an ending with two options- 1. they stay 2. they leave here in the in between time, it’s so hard. i’ve been listening to this song, the middle, by bebo norman. “i don’t wanna go home now stuck here in the middle alone now everybody’s singing their song now but i’m not ready for this i’m not trying to run away from this beautiful life i’ve been given i’m not looking for freedom maybe just a little meaning here in the middle alright, everybody says i’ll be alright everybody says it’s a good fight i’m not seeing it now” we took the baby this…

  • do you trust Me?

    no. nope. no, i don’t. because lots of things are happening that i’m not sure about. lots of visits with lots of people. and i’m not sure any of us are safe in this. and i’m not sure You’re going to keep me safe. do You remember when i sang to You “i lay me down i’m not my own, i belong to You alone”? i think i want to take that back now. and do You remember when i asked of You “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me. take me deeper than my feet could…