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paid in full

on April 21, 2011

we paid our final van payment today.  i was told the title will come in the mail in about two weeks.  feels so strange to make a final payment on something that is a pretty big thing in our lives.  and to know that now we own it.  it is our van.

we started paying for our van five years ago, when we “bought” it.  we were starting a family.  2 people to 5 people overnight.  we needed something suitable for carting around a family.  a van would do.  and i was quite proud to get a mini-van.  that meant i was becoming a mama.  and that, i really, really wanted to do.

i am so glad we purchased this van.  it has been perfect for our family. that doesn’t mean there haven’t been days when i would dream of getting a newer van.  a bigger van.  a van with more features, like a dvd player.  when josh lost his job, it was quite obvious that the Lord intended for us to keep our van.  and i became quite, actually very, content with that.

during our year plus of unemployment, we never missed a van payment.  never even made any late.  and when we realized the final payment was coming, we were thrilled.  the Lord’s provision in this way was and is amazing.

and now, that money is free.  it doesn’t go to the van anymore.  we now have a big chunk of money to set aside every month, for what we’re not yet sure.  but we’ve never had a time in our marriage where we could set that much money aside.  we’ll be seeking wisdom from Him in this.

the first thought that entered my mind as i left the bank was “paid in full, that’s what Jesus did for me!”  and i thanked Him for giving me such a clear and simple picture of His sacrifice at this time of year.

we’re heading into good friday.  a day that’s often viewed in a very solemn way.  i remember as a child, sometimes sitting in my room during the hours that Jesus hung on the cross.  it seemed as if it were always dark outside, cloudy, on the verge of a storm.  i remember being sad.  i remember wishing Jesus didn’t have to experience death the way He did, for me.

i still feel that way.  but, as an adult, i understand that the moment of His death was shared with the moment He declared victory.  all of my sin debt, paid in full.  all of yours.  all of everyone’s.  paid. in full.  in one moment of time.  thank you Lord!

“when you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh,
God made you alive with Christ.
He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness,
which stood against us and condemned us; He has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.”
~colossians 2:13~14

“when He had received the drink, Jesus said, “it is finished.”
with that, He bowed His head and gave up His spirit.”
~john 19:30

“on this mountain He will destroy the shroud that enfolds all peoples,
the sheet that covers all nations; He will swallow up death forever.”
~isaiah 25:7~8

“for this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality.  when the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality,
then shall come to pass the saying that is written:
“Death is swallowed up in victory.”
1 corinthians 15:53~54

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a new form of provision

on April 14, 2011

worried.  scared.  discouraged.
the way people would describe how i must be feeling during our unemployment.

relieved.  happy.  weight lifted from your shoulders.  secure.
the way people currently describe how i must be feeling now that josh is once again employed.

content.  provided for.  at peace.  thankful.  safe.  trusting.  excited.
the way i would describe how i felt during our unemployment.  and, the way i would describe how i am feeling in this time of our new employment.

josh started a new job march 28th.

before josh lost his job last february, God provided.  when josh lost his job last february, God provided.  the new job, is quite simply, a new form of God’s provision.

His provision doesn’t always look the way we think it will, the way we think it should.  we knew without a doubt He would provide during unemployment.  and if we questioned that, what would that say about our faith?  what would that say about our belief in the Word?

i couldn’t be worried:
i’ve shared luke 12 with you here before.  matthew 6 says pretty much the same thing.  in vs. 25~34, the word worry is used six times.  “do not worry about your life…”  “can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”  “and why do you worry about clothes?” “so do not worry saying, ‘what shall we eat?’ or ‘what shall we drink?’ or ‘what shall we wear?’” “therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.”

i couldn’t be scared:
“for God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
~2 timothy 1:7
“do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine!”
~isaiah 43:1

i couldn’t be discouraged:
“the LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”~deuteronomy 31:8
“have i not commanded you? be strong and courageous. do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”~joshua 1:9

i think the one word that has eaten at me the most is “secure”.  the idea that i must feel “secure” now that josh has a job.  as if i couldn’t feel “secure” without that one thing.  as if a job could/would/should provide my security.  but it doesn’t.  and it can’t.  and it won’t.  if i try to find my security in anything, anyone, other than Jesus, i will never be secure.  josh’s job could be taken tomorrow.  the salary could be taken tomorrow.  the salary could diminish.  the only thing that’s sure and secure is my Savior.

“let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in Him, for He shields Him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between His shoulders.”~deuteronomy 33:12

“it is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.”~2 samuel 22:33

“you will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.”~job 11:18

“LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.”~psalm 16:5

“we have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”~hebrews 6:19

 

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passing judgment

on April 11, 2011

i’ve noticed it lately, rolling around facebook.  it’s a new poll question ~ “do you think people on welfare should have mandatory drug tests?”  it appears as though most people answer overwhelmingly “yes”.

i am wondering how that ‘yes’ is determined.  everyone on welfare should be tested?  everyone?  how would we judge that?  are there certain behaviors we’d look for in an individual?  would it be based on where they live?  how they live?  if they’re single or married or divorced?  if they have children?  and if so, how many?  would they be judged as needing a drug test based on the color of their skin?  or their level of education?

who decides?  who judges?  based on the majority ‘yes’ answer to the poll question, most people who answered feel they’d be qualified to judge.

josh and i were on welfare for the past year. should we have been given drug tests?  who would be responsible for judging us?

without an official judgment, i felt judged every time i used my ohio direction card.   

it’s just like food stamps, only slightly more dignified.  or is it?  every time i pulled out my card at sam’s club, giant eagle, even aldi, someone, somewhere, was looking at me, passing judgment.

from looking at me, you wouldn’t guess i’d be on welfare.  i wasn’t dirty and unkempt.  i didn’t smell bad.  my car wasn’t falling apart, i wasn’t taking the bus.  by the grace of God, during our year of unemployment, we didn’t lose our home.  i was still able to bathe.  i kept the clothes i had before josh’s job loss.  i kept the jewelry too, and i wore it everyday ~ my engagement ring, my pearl bracelet, my pearl earrings.  i didn’t look like someone on welfare.  or did i?

welfare doesn’t have a look.  welfare has a need.  without that welfare assistance, we wouldn’t have been able to put food on the table at breakfast time or for dinner.  we wouldn’t have been able to pack our children’s lunch boxes or given them a snack after school.  without that welfare, we wouldn’t have been able to continue to make our house payment or pay our utility bills.  the ohio direction card freed up money to help maintain everything else in our world.

i am wondering if people knew that people like me were on welfare, if they’d still think people on welfare should have mandatory drug tests?  or maybe they’d have some compassion?  or maybe they’d  get some education on how the system works and who it helps?

i wonder what judgment would be passed on us.

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’tis so sweet…

on February 28, 2011

to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His Word.
just to rest upon His promise, just to know “thus saith the Lord”.

our extremely talented worship leader, drew belden, has rewritten this beloved hymn.  the first time i heard it, i admit, i wasn’t so sure about it.  changing a hymn?  yikes.  but, after hearing it a couple of times, i started to like it.  then when the Lord’s will for our lives revealed josh becoming unemployed, the song took on a whole new meaning.

part of drew’s revisions were the addition of some new lyrics.

“You give life and rest Lord.  You give joy and peace.  everything we need Lord, we will find in Thee.”

i began to proclaim this, trusting the promise that everything we’d need, we’d find in the Lord.  i had no idea how we’d continue to pay for our house, our cars, our water, our electricity, our food.  but i knew that God knew exactly how we would.  and i had to believe that with all of me.  He asked me, “do you really believe I am who I say I am?  because if you do, You’ll trust me. and you’ll know I’ll meet your needs.”

“i’m so glad i learned to simply trust in Jesus.”

i did believe that He is who He says He is.  and i became very thankful for learning about Him as a young child.  and that He called me to salvation during that time.  and that faith, while huge, is also very simple.  and that’s all it took.  a simple trust in Jesus.

we sang this song yesterday in church and i was overcome with emotion.  overcome because last year at this time i was just beginning to proclaim the words in faith.  and today i was singing this song because i know it’s true.  i have seen His faithfulness over the past year.  i simply trusted Him and He supplied everything, for every need.

 

 

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