four months, four days, four siblings

four months ago yesterday, the three littles moved into our home, into our family, and started moving their way into our hearts.

four days ago yesterday, this little guy, their baby brother, joined the clan.  all four siblings together.

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he’s already moving into our family and into our hearts.  but he may only be here for another day or two.

remember when i shared we were told to prepare for him?  that he was born on my birthday?  that the magistrate over the case had decided to place him with relatives?  well, that placement may not work out so we’ve been asked to care for him for a few days to give the family and the agency time to figure out what to do next.  he may return to family monday or tuesday.  and if not, he stays with us.

if we were together, you and i, you’d probably ask me how i feel.  i would likely tell you i have no idea.  i don’t know how to feel.  why?

THIS IS CRAZY!

i just really can hardly believe this is the life we are living.

when we returned from our vacation in june, i was pretty sure we were not supposed to be fostering again.  i could only see the ways it was taking away from our lives.  i could only see how it was holding back the three children i had already fostered and adopted.  i was being so selfish.  i wanted to sleep in.  i wanted more time to clean my house.  i wanted to be able to take my three children anywhere, at anytime, without being held back by naps, or little kids.  i wanted to go back to the party of five .  i wanted my life to be easier again.

i prayed, i begged the Lord, to reveal the sin of my selfishness and to show me His way.  after a couple of weeks, my heart started to soften again.  my selfishness remained, but was not as prevalent.  i need the Lord to continue to work that selfishness out of me!  i have started to feel a deep love and concern for the three littles.

and then we found out one of the relative placements the agency had been pursuing for them was actually panning out.  i was devastated.  i sobbed most of the night after i got that call from the caseworker.  i want to live with open hands, but i so badly wanted to close them when it came to the possibility of these kiddos leaving my home. i still want to close them.  i can’t share everything that has happened with this situation.  and as for a move with a relative any time soon, we honestly have no idea what will happen.

since wednesday night we’ve had seven kiddos in our home.  we are tired, but i think we are managing okay.  josh is a rock star when it comes to parenting an infant.  he really knows what he’s doing and it’s amazing to watch him with this little baby in his arms.

this little guy’s siblings are so happy to have him here.  they know he’s just visiting for a few days, but his five year old little guy really wants him to stay longer.

i keep asking the Lord for His will in their little lives.  in all of our lives.  i have no idea of any other right way to pray.

Your will Lord, Your will.

the night after we found out about the possible relative placement for the three, i went to the casting crowns concert with my friend shelly.  every song applied to her life or mine, sometimes both, and we were in tears most of the time.  two songs really, really stood out and our bigs and i have often had them on repeat in the van.  you should take a listen, or more like a watch.

dream for you and already there

in a day or two, i wonder if i’ll be writing about the baby staying or going.

 

 

 

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