it’s 8pm.  we’ve been gone almost all day.  we went to the memorial day parade this morning and then spent the rest of the day at my in~law’s.   we’ve only been home about 10 minutes.  as josh and i unload the van, the kids are busy getting their pajamas on and brushing their teeth.

i empty the contents of the cooler into the refrigerator and make my way upstairs to check on my little ones.  orville was laying on his bed crying.  i asked him what was wrong and he said nothing.  i asked him if daddy said something(that’s a perfectly fine thing to say) that upset him, like maybe to get his pajamas on instead of playing.  he said no.

i started to pick him, he was crying so hard i couldn’t imagine what was wrong.  i turned him toward me to hold him and asked him to please tell me why he was crying.  “i just want to go to Heaven,” he said.  “what do you mean?” i asked.  “i just want to go to Heaven so bad,” he said.  “because your stomach hurts so bad(his stomach was hurting earlier in the day and i thought maybe it started to hurt again)?”  “no, because i will like it better than i like it here!” he cried. “but i am not ready for you to go yet, i will miss you so much,” i told him.  he replied, “i want us all to go together.”   “but God has special things for each one of us to do and He will bring us home once we’ve done those things.  He knows the perfect time for us to join Him in Heaven,” i said.  “but i just want to go to Heaven so bad,” he continued to cry.

he was crying so hard.  just sobbing.  as i held him and rocked him all i could think was, “God, please no.  please don’t take him from me now.  please don’t take him tonight.  please don’t let this be foreshadowing.  i don’t want to be the person who has to tell the story of the night her son said he wanted to go to Heaven so bad and in the morning he was gone. oh God, please don’t take him from me now.”

he’s in bed now, this sweet precious boy of mine.  before i tucked him in i gave him a big hug and lots of kisses.  i’m upset, struggling to hold in my tears.  i’m thinking this is a boy who is simply longing for his real home, and i’m praying i’m right.  i’m not ready for him to go.

“but we are citizens of Heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives.
and we are eagerly waiting for Him to return as our Savior.”
philippians 3:20

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