living with open hands in foster care land

foster care is temporary.  it was never meant to be a permanent solution for children in need of a loving and safe place to live.

a child in foster care is either reunified with their birth family, placed with a relative who is given legal guardianship, adopted, or aged out of the system.  the fostering part doesn’t last forever.

we knew going into this current situation that is was foster only.  could it turn into an adoption situation?  any case can, but none of them start that way.  it takes time to get there and we are very much in the taking time process.  we knew that we’d have to have open hands with these kiddos, just like any other kiddos that come into our home.

we knew that the agency was looking for relative placements.  they always do.  they have to, it’s the law.  we know there are still some possibilities out there.  we pray for the Lord’s will.

we knew that with the newborn, who was born monday, there were relatives the agency was looking into.  a caseworker can never be 100% sure which way a case will go, i know this all to well from my case working days.  they can only do so much, the major decisions lie with the magistrates and judges.  we were told to prepare for the baby, even though the agency was still looking into relatives.  if the relatives wouldn’t pan out, the baby would need a home, and ours would be it.

today the agency went to court to have the magistrate decide either to place the baby with a relative or to grant the agency temporary custody and then place him with us.  the magistrate ruled for the baby to be placed with the relative.

no baby for us.

here’s the thing.  my husband always says that, but for me right now it seems to be the right thing to say.  so, here’s the thing, my hands are open.  they are so open it hurts.

in foster care, where things can change drastically in one day, you can’t hold onto things tightly.  children you think may stay forever, can go in an instant.

a baby that you think may come to you, may never actually enter your home.  or your arms.  or for that matter, by the grace of God, your heart.  my heart.

i can imagine him coming here and then moving to the relative placement.  the thought of that causes a great ache in my heart.  it hurts.  and i don’t want to get hurt.  none of us want to get hurt.

none of us want to sign up for something that we know could hurt us.  none of us want to willingly begin to love something we know we could lose.  none of us want to get too close to the unknown. to the uncomfortable.  but isn’t that what Jesus did?

He knew we would hurt him.  He knew He would love us and some of us would willingly choose to deny Him and walk away from Him.  He knew we’d be uncertain of Him and our lives, but He pursued us anyway.  He sought the uncomfortable situations-the people in pain, the broken, the children, the orphan.

He knew that initially His life on this earth would end in a painful, painful death.  He lived with open hands anyway.  open hands that would be nailed open on a cross.

oh sweet Jesus, i lay this newborn child at Your feet.  i trust Your plan for his life.  i lay his siblings at Your feet.  i trust Your plan for their lives.

my hands are open.  Your will, not mine.

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i believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain
that broken find healing in love
pain is no measure of His faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
no good thing from us, no good thing from us

i will open my hands, will open my heart
i will open my hands, will open my heart
i am nodding my head an emphatic yes
to all that You have for me

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