we didn’t do advent last night.
we live real here. and josh and i had a real argument. in the kitchen. and two kiddos were in the dining room making comics and the other kiddo was on the couch.
it started during dinner, when i started reading for advent. i felt like i was the only one in, the only one focusing. i asked every one to join me, to try to pay attention to the words. they’re important, what we’re doing is important.
i mix up my words sometimes, combining the first few letters of one word with the last few letters of the next word. or vice versa. sometimes it’s funny. sometimes it scares me. sometimes it’s like i’ve created a new word. a sort of compound. and honestly, life could possibly be easier with this new word because it will eliminate the need for the original two words.
so, i mixed up my words. i caught myself before they came out completely, but it was a funny mix-up so i had to explain. i was trying to say this, “God’s heart for His people never changes”. but what almost came out was this, “God’s fart”. see that, the combining of heart and for = fart.
we all laughed. (and i always think it’s good to point out my word mishaps to my guy who sometimes has some word struggles of his own.) then we calmed back down and i continued to read.
the boys just couldn’t seem to fully regroup after that. there were lots of giggles. lots of me feeling like i was on my own in this advent thing. so i behaved in a really mature way, and i left the table.
a few minutes later, josh and i started a conversation about what happened. the discussion turned into an argument. i shed some tears(of course i did, i always do. i’m super emotional.). and about thirty minutes later, we were done. we apologized. we hugged. we emerged from the kitchen, two of our kiddos still making comics, our 7 year old asking why we can argue but he can’t. he thinks it’s not fair.
and our kiddo on the couch was crying. josh picked him up to hold him and found out he didn’t like that we were arguing. he couldn’t say why he didn’t like it, just that he didn’t. mind you, we weren’t yelling. we weren’t saying mean things. we were just hashing things out.
after josh held him for a few minutes, i pulled him into my arms. we sat on the couch and i rocked him and rubbed his back. he told me he’d tell me why he was so upset but that he didn’t want anyone else to hear. he was so upset because he was afraid josh and i wouldn’t like each other anymore.
i assured him that wasn’t the case. that we like each other and love each other very much. that we made a promise to God that we’d always be together until He takes one of us Home. and then i showed him our wedding video, the part where we made our vows to one another. the part where when josh said for richer or for poorer, i laughed because i thought about him saying for richard porter at our wedding rehearsal the night before. his eyes lit up, seeing us holding hands and sharing our love.
since the Christmas tree has been up for a week, we decided to do a little decorating. tears went away and smiles returned.
so we’re one reading behind. but, we’re a little ahead in the loving and learning department. in living real life and working it out. in fighting for this marriage and family created by the One whose birth we celebrate during the season of advent.