on mother’s day

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i love this quote so much.  i’m actually a bit jealous, i wish i would have come up with it on my own.  it so clearly sums up being an adoptive and foster mom.

i am a mom.  but there’s a big difference between being a mom to your own children and a mom to children who came from another woman, another mom.  so often people want to argue this, “but you are their mom!”  i am an adoptive mom and i am a foster mom.  i am not a biological mom.  i am not a birth mom. me being “mom” to any of our 6 kiddos, doesn’t change that.  and that’s okay.

it is okay, but it is strange.  and it is sad.

adoption is not a cure for infertility.

holding a child in my arms doesn’t take away the sometimes ache of never carrying one in my womb.

parenting children with my husband doesn’t take away the fact that none of our children look like us.  there will never be a combination us.

i have 6 brown children.  all different shades of brown.

i have them because their birth mothers weren’t able to care for them.

this is tragic.

this is so utterly devastating-for them, for her, for me-that i can barely put words to it.  we have each other because of tragedy.

mother’s day is a day to celebrate me being a mother to these precious children.  but it’s a day of sadness because they are tied to two other mothers they can’t be with right now.  the mothers who conceived them, carried them, delivered them.  mothers who couldn’t keep them.

how heavy for their little hearts.  how heavy for their birth mothers.  how heavy for me.

how strange that the little girl who dreamed of being a mother has become a mother this way.

we will celebrate my role in these little lives.  we will go to church.  we will go out to eat.  i will open cards.  i will hear “happy mother’s day” and while it will bring a smile to my face, it will also bring a little queasiness to my stomach and put a little lump in my throat.

i will shed tears over my infertility.  i shed tears over my children’s birth mothers.  i will shed tears over their loss. i will shed tears over the loss my children have experienced.  yes, i believe there is great gain in being in our family, but that gain comes from great loss.

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