the boys are finished with school today. we barely made it. it was hard when it was just the three of us here all day. it became almost impossible when we added the three littles.
we brought the boys home for school in january because they were having a pretty hard time in traditional school. i was home all day and felt selfish for not being willing to share part of that time with them to help them learn the way they needed to learn. all of our kiddos have varying degrees of cognitive delay-thanks to varying degrees of abuse and neglect-and we saw some of that coming out this school year. we weren’t sure of the best thing to do, but i knew it wasn’t leaving them in school.
several weeks ago, i felt physically ill about them being home with me all day. i loved being with them, but i felt like they were being deprived of so much. they were learning, but not as much as they would have been given the opportunity to if they were at school still. and they were seeing ugly mommy. the mommy who was hardly surviving each day. the mommy who couldn’t hold things together because in the midst of the gigantic and amazing change in our family, it seemed as if everything was falling apart.
one day a friend shared with me all of the things my boys were learning. compassion. selflessness. loving kindness. respect. joy in trial. faith in difficult circumstances. sharing-time, space, toys, hugs, food, life-everything!
and i think it’s been good for the littles, especially the 5 year old, to have our boys home. he’s learned so much from them already. they’ve provided comfort for him. and a lot of fun too!
so, i’ve learned i’m not up for homeschooling. i have so much respect for the women who can do it-manage the home, the education, the children. they are amazing! i really wanted to be able to do all of that, and do it well, but i can’t. and that’s okay.
my big ones will be returning to school in the fall. all day school. and the two oldest of the littles will be in preschool three afternoons a week. and assuming the littlest little and the baby nap well, i might be able to have a few minutes to sit by myself. i might be able to do that. maybe.