out of the blue…

things will hit me. like, “oh yeah, remember to call the court and see if i can get the transcripts from our adoption hearing.” someone told me i could do that, i think that day. but, i keep forgetting.

or, “remember to call the hospitals where the kids were born and see if i can get a copy of their footprints.” i heard an adult adoptee talk about this. she was adopted from an orphange in el salvador and had a great life with her adoptive family. but, she always wished she had a copy of her baby footprints. a friend of hers who now works in the orphange from where she was adopted, was able to find her footprints. she sent them to her in the mail. can you imagine that joy?

last night in the shower(why do i always get emotional in the shower?), i was thinking about the footprints. then i thought, “maybe they have those hospital baby pictures of my kids too. oh how neat would that be? to have baby pictures of my children. oh, my children. what about having a baby picture for them to have? and what if there aren’t any? amelia’s earliest picture we have is from when she was three and a half. she’ll never be able to see herself as a baby. she’ll never know what she looked like before the age of three and a half.” and then came the tears. the sobbing. the heavy heart for their loss. for what they may never know.

amelia-3 and a half years old

wilbur-1 and a half years old

orville-2 months old

3 Comments

  • Diana

    I know this grief well – both for me and for my children. We were talking about something related to time last night with our older son. I asked if he knew he was once a baby. He said No. He also has no concept that he was once the same age as his little brother. The earliest photos we have of our children were of the day we met them. My older son was 7 and my little one was nearly 3.

    My hubby and I were sitting in a restaurant one day. There was another family who came in a sat near us. I quickly became enamoured with their little boy. He was probalby about 2 years old. He had olive skin, wavy brown hair, and brown eyes and looked strikingly like my older son. Imagine my surprise when I heard his mother call his name – and it was the same as my son’s name! I very nearly lept out of my seat. Had I had a camera with me at the time, I would have begged to take picture of him – just so my son might have some idea what he looked like when he was younger.

  • Maggie

    That’s the thing with adoption… there’s always loss involved.

    The earliest picture I have of Slugger is when he is about 5 1/2 or 6.

    A friend of mine adopted a boy from Kaz when he was 13. He later learned told her that he had an older sister that was adopted years before. My friend started investigating and found that his sister had been adopted by a family in Texas. She tracked them down and the kids have been in touch ever since (they’ve even vacationed together). At one point, the family that adopted the girl sent my friend a picture of her son at age 10. My friend was thrilled. It’s the equivalent of a baby picture for her and her son. They never thought they’d have anything like that.

  • jane

    oh…keep us posted! do see if you can find pics and/or foot prints from the hospital. what a precious gift.

    FYI, there are no photos of me before kindergarten. i was the 4th of 4, so, they were tired and out of money when they had me. my dad tells me to look at my sister’s pics…”you looked just like them!” funny, we all started out looking the same, but there is a 6″ difference in the shortest and tallest, as well as we all have different hair colors, looks and body types.
    anywho…I’ll be praying for her heart, that God fills in all those empty holes.

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