it is well

 

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surgery is today.  friday.  the 13th.  the surgeon said it doesn’t bother him to operate on friday the 13th and we don’t want to wait until after thanksgiving, so here we go.

i am having a total thyroidectomy, central lymph node dissection, and right modified lateral neck lymph node dissection.

basically, they are removing my whole thyroid and all of the lymph nodes in the central part of my neck as well as all of the lymph nodes on the right side of my neck.

4 1/2 hours of surgery time.  estimated.

tonight we had dinner with our two boys.  maddie was at a basketball game and the littles were settling in to their respite care.  praise God for amazing provision for them!

josh and max went to the bathroom and as soon as they left, mason asked me how i was doing regarding the surgery.  i told him i was feeling a little nervous and asked him how he was doing.  he said he was worried.

he’s worried that they’ll put me to sleep and i won’t wake up.

he’s worried i’ll die.

i told him the truth. the last thing he needs is his mom telling him she’ll be fine, and then she’s not.

i told him that, yes, i could die.  that they could put me to sleep and i may not wake up.

but i also told him that it is well with my soul.  because it is.

because of Jesus.

i told him there are some very, very important things in life.  things we need to be sure about.  but there is none more important than the salvation of our souls.  because when all is said and done, that’s all we have left.

i reminded him that Jesus came to save us.  He came and He died.  He died a very violent death, on our behalf.  and then three days later, He rose again.  He conquered hell.  He defeated death.

everyday, any moment, any breath, could be our last on this earth. now more than ever, as i’m heading into a complete unknown where my life feels like it’s literally in the hands of another, i am convinced that this is the only thing that matters.  the salvation of our souls through Jesus Christ.

i’m not guaranteed today.  i’m not guaranteed another moment with my husband, with my children, with my dearest friends, with my extended family.  but if my faith is in the death and resurrection of Jesus, i am guaranteed life forever.

and if my husband and children and friends and family also place their faith in Christ, they are guaranteed life forever too.  we’ll all get to be together.  forever.

what if i’m wrong?  i lose nothing.

what if i’m right?  i gain everything.

my life isn’t in the hands of another, it is held in the very hands of God.  and i know that no matter what comes my way, He won’t let go.  He’ll hold me while i’m here, and He’ll hold me once i’m with Him.

if you don’t know Jesus, don’t believe He is who He says He is, please reconsider.  please talk with someone who knows Him. talk with me.

He died for you. He loves you.

 

 

starbucks has a red cup and suddenly the church cares about orphans in america

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this keeps showing up in my facebook newsfeed.

apparently some Christians have an issue with the new starbucks cup because it’s red and doesn’t have traditional Christmas designs.

and apparently some other Christians have an issue with those Christians caring more about a starbucks cup than things that really matter.

and apparently to show those Christians that the red cup doesn’t really matter, some Christians are grabbing this image and posting it all over the place to highlight something that matters.

something that really, really matters.

but, why didn’t it matter before starbucks rolled out their red cups?

why can starbucks cause the church to talk about orphans today, but what the Bible has to say about orphans has never really seemed to matter?

and who in this mix is going to be the one from their church to adopt a child from foster care so there are no more orphans in america?

sadly, probably no one.  because it’s fun to jump on the red cup bandwagon.  but it’s not fun to actually sacrifice your life for something you say you believe.

because the 104,000 children in foster care in america who are waiting to be adopted don’t really matter.

because some of the 349,000 churches in america are just waiting for someone else to pick up the pieces of the lives of these precious children in foster care.

because it would be too hard.

because it would take up my time and i couldn’t do what i really want to do.

because kids in foster care have issues and i can’t deal with those issues.

because i don’t feel “called” to that.

because i would get too attached and if something went wrong i just couldn’t handle having to give the child back.

people, Jesus died for us.

died.

and we whine and complain about red cups.  and we throw out a statistic that highlights how the church can eliminate the number of kids in foster care waiting to be adopted.

and we are proud of ourselves.  of our “i’ll show them” attitude.

and kids still linger in the system.

and we still go to starbucks.  and we all drink from the red cup.

and the red cup doesn’t matter. 

“religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” james 1:27

 

 

 

there is no script for this

two weeks ago i was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.

honestly, we thought we already had enough going on.

we thought we were already pretty far away from the safety of the shore.

we thought we were already deep enough.

but apparently not.

now we are going deeper.

being led farther.

there is no script for this.

we don’t really know how to feel.

this always happens to someone else, but now it’s happening to me.

there isn’t really a good way to share this news. there really isn’t a right way.

just like the doctor said, “it is cancer”, i’ve been having to say, “i have cancer”.

we don’t know why it’s here.

but we trust Him.  still.

and i’m praying that i don’t take my eyes off of Him.

i don’t want to lose sight of Him.

so we move forward.

we take the next step.  only the very next step.

for us, there is no script for this, though God has the storyline perfectly penned.

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You make me brave

whose he is

he’s ours.

he’s his.

he’s mine.

he’s hers.

he’s His.

and His alone.

“for You formed my inward parts;
You knitted me together in my mother’s womb
i praise You, for i am fearfully and wonderfully made.
wonderful are Your works;
my soul knows it very well.
my frame was not hidden from You,
when i was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in Your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.”
psalm 139:13-16

 

 

he’s gone again

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he’s gone again.

and it’s not any easier this time around.

how long o Lord must my hands be open in this way?

how long must i carry this ache in the depths of my heart?

i feel stuck.

almost paralyzed.

almost as if life cannot move on while he is away.

but it does.

everything just keeps moving forward.

he moves forward too.

without us.

and i have to trust You.

more than i did before he left.

more than i want to.

is that the reason this is happening?

is that the reason things change so drastically?

so frequently?

so we trust You more?

so our faith increases?

so You become more

and we become less?

the joy of You Lord is my strength.

please flood our home and our hearts with Your peace.

please flood where he is and his heart with Your peace.