party of five

8 years ago today we met our three amazing children.  8 years ago.  i am very honestly struggling to find the words to describe what this means, to get to 8 years.  it’s been so difficult and so amazing.  i wrote all about that day here.

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i love our party of five.  we are good.  things are smooth and easy, most of the time.  we have fun.  we laugh a lot.  we get along well.  we enjoy one another.  we love each other deeply.  we make sense.  we fit.

tomorrow, these three will turn into 6.

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though this picture is staged, we are all really in a bit of shock.  our party of five is about to become a party of 8.

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and i am grieving, big time.  i don’t want our party of five to end.  i. love. us. and it breaks my heart that we are changing because once we change, we can’t go back.  there will now be for some time, and possibly forever,  more of us.  i seriously can’t stop to think about it or i’m a wreck.  the tears come hard and heavy.  i’ve sobbed. i’ve been doubled over weeping.

we’ve been trying to soak up every second we can as just us.  while we probably should be busy organizing and preparing for the arrival of the three new littles tomorrow, we are spending time just being together.  this is it.  our last day and night as us.

don’t misunderstand this, i am excited about what it is to come tomorrow.  excited, scared, amazed.  but today, today this is it.  our party of five is almost over.

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