the middle

there’s a beginning-when they came.

there’s an ending with two options-

1. they stay

2. they leave

here in the in between time, it’s so hard.

i’ve been listening to this song, the middle, by bebo norman.

“i don’t wanna go home now
stuck here in the middle alone now
everybody’s singing their song now
but i’m not ready for this

i’m not trying to run away from
this beautiful life i’ve been given
i’m not looking for freedom
maybe just a little meaning here in the middle

alright, everybody says i’ll be alright
everybody says it’s a good fight
i’m not seeing it now”

we took the baby this morning to visit with relatives all weekend.  all weekend.

all morning, if i were alone with him for even two seconds, i’d start to cry.

he’s been here for 7 months.

he’s the first baby we’ve ever had.


i feel like we may be losing him.

the crazy thing about that is, he was never ours to begin with.


and do you know what else is crazy?

in so many ways, this is a job.

it’s my job to care for him and to keep him safe.

and i feel like that.  like i’m his caretaker.


but to him, to him, i’m his mom.

i’m the one who is his everything.

and it breaks my heart.


the Lord is allowing me to enjoy so many moments in this middle time.

i am so grateful.

now if only the constant aching of my heart would fade away.

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