many of you know that over the past two years, i have learned a great deal about God, my husband, my world, myself. i am overwhelmed with all i have learned. overwhelmed by the grace of God in my life. i am moved to tears with the mere thought of some of the things He has taught me.
i realized just a couple of weeks ago that while i have always, since age 5, been a Christian, i am now just beginning to grasp exactly what that means, for me. i always knew i would marry a Christian. i knew i would somehow be involved in a church. i knew i would be a mom. i had no idea that i would marry a man who would become a leader in the church. a sought after leader. an answer to a church’s prayer for a leader. i had no idea that church would become so much a part of my life. that i would live for Sundays. that i would feel i couldn’t make it through a week if i hadn’t first attended church at the start of that week. i had no idea that i would be infertile. that God would replace my desire to birth children into a desire to love children that were birthed from someone else. i had no idea that my desire to gradually grow my family would turn into a desire to gain a whole family overnight.
we entered into this adoption “thing” hoping to find one child. ah, maybe two. well, maybe three. four? sure, we’ll take four.
we have found a possible match. three little boys and their little sister. i can’t share many details here, for the sake of privacy, for their lives, and ours, at this point. much has to happen before we will know if they are meant to be our children. much that will take a great deal of patience and grace on our part. trust in the process. trust in God that if they aren’t meant to be ours, He has an even better place for them.
we are a little scared. a little overwhelmed. but, really excited.
sounds difficult, busy, tiring, challenging.
exciting, fun, joyful, loving.
sounds like a possible answer to prayer. a prayer that started one night, two years ago this month. or maybe it started twenty years ago, give or take a few, when i knew without a doubt that God made me to be a mother. and maybe that prayer was added to when He showed me that the children didn’t have to be my own for me to love them like they were my own. maybe that love started when He first loved me. before He knit me together in my mother’s womb. before time began.
three men and a little lady. can you believe it? part of us can’t believe it either. but, it might happen. it just might happen.